


September 8th, Heisei 20

by Ruko (reonkuwataa)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Creative use of extension cords, Diary/Journal, Disembowelment, Gen, Genocider Syo is a warning on her own merit, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Masturbation, Just a mention though, Menstruation, Mouth Sewn Shut, Shou's style of writing and timeline jumbling is on purpose but I hope it ain't noticeable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 22:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16228997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reonkuwataa/pseuds/Ruko
Summary: A few pages torn from a posh-looking diary, found in the dormitory of one Fukawa Touko briefly before her transition from Riverbank Girl's High School to Hope's Peak Academy.





	September 8th, Heisei 20

**Author's Note:**

> No matter how much time passes, I can't deny how much I fucking ADORE Touko and Shou. They're the persistent muses that stayed since my sophomore year of high school.

_**15:30, Wednesday.**_  
I don’t understand. I’ve been left in the dark since I was young. What _is_ it that separates me from you?  
You’re the one that just sits next to me in class. All we do is pass notes, share our lunches, talk amongst ourselves. You’re the one that convinced me we were friends. You’re the one who told me you had to move away, you’re the one that saw me cry.  
I was the one that just loved you unconditionally. I was the one that was left for dead by all others but you, so I thought. I was just a toy to be played with before you… _I thought._ I was the one that wrote that love letter to you, spanning multiple pages, all pouring my heart and baring my soul to communicate my feelings.  
You were the one that laughed when you read it. You were the one that pinned it to the corkboard. You were the one that moved away to Shikoku.  
You’re the one who died.  
I don't understand. How I was treated, how I was ostracized, falsely persecuted, punished cruelly and unusually, I was the one that wished to be dead. However, I also wanted to live, if it meant being by your side-- But I was denied all that I wanted, and I was ultimately denied the freedom of death when you died instead.  
Why? Why did you have to take that away from me?  
What stings the most is that fundamentally, I should be no different from you. Doesn’t everyone have one father and two mothers? Doesn’t everyone sometimes spend days on end in the closet without food, trapped in the dark? Our teacher, did you ever learn what she told me? She said I had a “way with words”. She said I had a “career in writing ahead of me”. What did it matter what was ahead of me? In that moment, I thought there would be no longer anything ahead of me, lying face up on my cold, cramped closet floor with an open shirt and a knife poised at my stomach.  
When I lament what separates me and you, I never want to think about the answer. The real answer. _Her._  
When I tried plunging the knife into my guts, _she_ stopped my hands. When I wanted to drown myself, _she_ swam upwards. _She_ wanted to deny me what I wanted, just like you.  
She was just like you.  
I’m nothing like you. That, too, was denied. She takes all that I want for herself, and takes even more. It leaves me with the guilt and feelings she discards, it leaves me awake at night, tossing and turning and grasping at my head amidst the terror of the hands from the shadows wrapping their fingers around my weak neck.  
Was this the torture Jekyll endured? Am I a good person, am I a bad person? Just as the novel portrays, there exists only a fine line between a good man and a

 _ **4:45PM, Wednesday**_  
Why are you so goddamn pretentious? That’s my question. Not just pretentious, but god damn, what an ingrate. Even when I push you to the edge of the cliff, if I yank ya back, I still saved your life! Right? Right?  
Our dearest little lover in Shikoku, I remember him so fondly. Do you, my ‘sister’? That’s what you are, Touko. You know us to be kindred deep in that rotten soul of yours! And I don’t recall if you recall that boy, but I do. I remember every intimate detail, I remember just how liberating it was.  
It’s hard to tie someone to a bed with extension cords, you know? It was so sloppy. I look at my handcrafted little weapons with a newfound appreciation looking back. I remember him waking up while I was sewing his big stupid mouth shut. I remember yanking the string that looped through his flesh to force him to smile, to smile only at me! Only at us! I had him smile at us, Touko, can’t you appreciate what all I did to advance that first relationship?  
He was mine long before I got into metalworking. Seeing me vulnerable and new, arriving fresh-faced to the world, a total greenhorn! But I took those shears from our papa’s shed, remember? He looked all over for them but never found them! He never found them in our combustible garbage! I remember yelling at him, I was so rough with him, it was unbelievable that he was really my first… I certainly had a head start in dealing with boys, didn’t I? I remember his face, how he screamed, how it echoed, how I shut him up!  
How I shut his mouth with a kiss before knocking him unconscious. I think I tied him down after that, but I don’t remember any sequence, just moments I look back on.  
We traveled so far to see him. Do you even remember me getting on the train and even doing you the favor of recharging your metro card? Do you remember the trip back? Do you remember that old woman that sat next to me, to us? She gave us dango. She said we looked so sweet, but when she turned her back and talked to whoever she got off the train with, she said she never saw an uglier child. Ugly! An ugly child! She gave us that sugar to sweeten the blow, just like everyone else would.  
I know you don’t remember the moment I opened that boy’s stomach up. I know you don’t remember seeing his squirmy little insides wriggling around like they were trying to escape from me. I know you don’t remember me laughing at the sight and covering my mouth since I wanted to laugh so hard! I remember feeling a burning, a really nice burning in the pit of our own stomach. No, lower. That was a magical moment, the first time we had ever awakened sexually! You know it happened to you, too! It’s your body, not mine, and what I do is just as much your responsibility!  
It’s nice to remember things like that. It’s nice to look back. It’s nice to think about how he wanted to scream and I didn’t let him, how he cried and I just licked away his tears, how much he was hurting… It was almost as much as he hurt you. You know I did this for the both of us? Not just him, but every man I killed, it was all to keep you from getting hurt. Well, that’s just on one hand, but on the other, it made sure I had something lovely to see behind my eyelids. What I did always made my cunt throb. The copper taste, the piercing sounds, the earthy, rotten smell, the squish of muscle under those bony fingers of yours! The sight, the sight of men crying and trying to scream past choking on blood! It makes me so hot thinking about it, it makes me want to grind on our desk and ruin those ratty panties of yours again!  
You really are stupid, though. So stupid. You’re not any different from me or him or anyone. Don’t you know? If you’re gonna compare us to that book or whatever, you know that Hyde was just what Jekyll was keeping swallowed down, but he couldn’t keep him away, he couldn’t ever be let go!  
You’re not a good person, you’re not a bad person. You’re

 _ **18:15, Wednesday.**_  
Why is it that you always aim to make me scream and vomit when I have to read your replies? What’s more, you lie so terribly, your thoughts are abhorrently disjointed, you’re beyond mad! You wish to do what? To use my body to live your depraved sexual fantasies under the guise of “protecting me”? You keep me from dying; why, because you know you’ll die too? You exact petty revenge because it arouses you? There’s a laundry list of things that separate us! You’re not just perverted and completely bonkers, but… But…!  
To call you my sister would be blasphemous to the one I was supposed to have! I know that baby that died would have never been as blatantly wicked as you! If she lived, you wouldn’t have gotten the chance to do so! Your only courtesy is leaving me unaware of what you’d used my body to do, but then you deny me even that courtesy when I take refuge where I almost believe I’m safe!  
But yes, I do remember the old hag and her stale dango. I remember you reeking of blood and grinning like the cat that had eaten the canary, I remember her look of terror once she saw the smear of blood on your… My… _Our_ hand! I remember her attempts to explain it away, I remember her even saying that the dango was a gift “in the spirit of congratulations, for finally becoming a woman”! As if _that_ was any easier when you came around! You looked forward to that week where I would risk seeing bloodstains on white cotton, just for you to come around and do as you pleased, using those ruined panties as a flag to announce your invasion of my mind!  
And our panties are only a couple of months old, not ratty at all!  
None of this… None of this matters! I’ve let you just distract me again! You needn’t poke your nose where I wish to just be alone with my thoughts! Your thoughts, _your_ wicked thoughts aren’t mine at all, and we are nothing alike! Not at all! You’re… You’re an irredeemable liar, a compulsive liar!  
Take all your rotten deeds and rot in hell, Genocider Shou!

 _ **1:15AM, Thursday**_  
I could say so much, but you want me to be quiet? I suppose our new boyfriend will be kept secret, then, until you see the news when we wake. I suppose you’ll understand it all in due time.  
And I’ll be waiting to see you there, Touko!


End file.
